There's a lot of stuff that happens every single day that cause me to have the thought "remember to write about that in the blog". Then, I forget promptly because my mind is primarily filled with to do lists which include things like 1) pump 2) feed L 3) feed big kids 4) change diaper 5) play with L until she falls asleep 6) try to drink water, urinate, defecate, shove some kind of food that requires no preparation into my mouth, take shower, fold the laundry, return phone calls, pay attention to D and E, wash dishes, start making next meal, wash pump parts and pump again before L wakes up 7) repeat cycle and add in 20-30 hours of work a week with a mixture of anxious, irate, excited families and kids who are waiting to finally be a family and are depending on YOU to hurry up and get the job done, trying to maintain relationship with my partner, sleeping, volunteering, getting the big kids to school and play dates and activities and playing hockey on Sunday.

It may sound like I am complaining, I am not trying to complain. This crazy schedule is totally of my construction. I don't have to do things like play hockey or pump every four hours. I've received "permission", even encouragement ,from everyone whose opinion matters on the subject to STOP THE PUMPING MADNESS. But for some reason, I persist. I finally freaked a couple of weeks ago after multiple hour to two hour long pumping sessions/hot showers/steaming washcloths to unplug the excruciating pain of blocked milk ducts which appeared to be giant golf ball deformities. Since L was born I have not been able to hug people properly, have a shirt or towel touch my nipple or go more than 30 minutes or so without eye watering glass shard slicing burning and piercing pain in my breasts. At my 6 week post partum appointment my OB said "everyone has pain associated with breast feeding." So I tried not to be wimpy and went on pumping. At some point around eight weeks, I stopped even trying to get her to latch. She latched for about five minutes once after the tongue clipping and it didn't hurt like it had before with the crazy chomping, but by that time I don't think L associated the breast with feeding. Each attempt concluded with screeching, clawing at my hypersensitive nipple region, and a lap filled with at least a cup of milk that started to flow from my ample bosom every time I lifted my shirt.

So rewind to my breakdown a couple of weeks ago when I decided I could no longer stand the pain. I went on the Internet and started reading about blocked ducts, which are more common when you contract thrush in your milk ducts. I read the list of symptoms which included something like "intense pain described by some women as fire hot pokers or crushed glass inside of the breast." That's me. Suddenly, my need to make it stop was urgent. I went to the doctor the next day. More incredulous commentary by the nurse regarding the silly act of pumping when breast feeding fails. Got some anti-fungal medicine that I need to take for a MONTH. Decided to feed L large stash of frozen milk while I continued to pump and then discard the medicated milk. I think the thrush has pretty much cleared but I get blocked ducts almost on a daily basis. My milk supply is out of control. I guess this is a mixed blessing as many people have production problems. Some people told me that exclusively pumping would not sustain my milk supply. They were wrong. I could pump all day long and they would never be empty. I have recently had to pump in the closet of the Department of Human Services in Toledo during a meeting.

So, why in the hell do I continue to pump? I have a few theories. 1) I don't want to TOTALLY fail at breast feeding 2) I am too cheap to buy formula especially when my body could feed 20 babies for free 3) I am stubborn and apparently like to torture myself for the sake of accomplishing something I set out to do 4) It's still better for L than formula.

OK, enough about my breasts.

Jeff carries around bags of meat and other protein sources such s yogurt and cottage cheese. He eats from the bag throughout the day. He typically eats slowly and seemingly almost constantly. All of our kids are awesome eaters. D and E love fruits and vegetables and will eat liver and sardines and other things most kids wouldn't think of touching. Before we had kids, one night our friends and I joked that when Jeff had a kid he would probably send them to school with a bag of beef and expect him or her to gnaw on it all day and that the other kids would taunt them with cruel nicknames. "Hey BAG-O-BEEF!" they would shout... Well, last week D came home looking a bit down. When I asked her why she looked so sad, she said that something bad had happened in the lunch room. She said, "Did you see that HUGE sandwich Daddy gave me for lunch?" "It was THIS BIG" she said, her hands outstretched at least two feet. I hadn't seen the sandwich, but surmised that it had been made on a big piece of pita bread folded in half. "What happened?" I asked. She said some people with short hair who were not in her class started making fun of her because of her HUGE sandwich. Of course, we then had a discussion about how ridiculous those people with short hair were and how they were probably jealous of her enormous sandwich. I do think we should spare her by at least cutting in half next time,,,

L is rolling! She is so close to rolling over with no help. In the mean time, she pushes and struggles so hard to get over such that she appears to be doing a backspin circa 1985. She goes around and around. We can't leave her anymore without clearing the area of any hazards for at least a two foot radius all around her lest she migrate under the table or knock a chair over with her superior leg strength. She is also doing crunches and back bends, lifting her body off of the ground with only head and feet touching the floor. We're on the cusp never being able to let her out of our sight.

So much activity in the past three weeks and I've kept you all in the dark. Yes, we're still here. Still healthy and happy. E's adoption was finalized on December 13th. It's a relief but doesn't change anything. He didn't realize that anything had changed, as we felt it would have been more confusing to try to explain that we hadn't been a "legal" family for the past 10 months. He's been thinking it was a done deal since he's been here and that's the way we wanted him to feel.

L continues to sleep all through the night and is now giggling and letting out little happy screams. D wants everyone to call her Lulu. The big kids are still out of school. Who ever heard of Christmas break going from December 21st through January 8th? We ran all over for the holidays, starting shopping and preparing about two weeks ahead of time and averaged about four hours of sleep a night. I have vowed once again this year to look for deals year round instead of trying to shop at the last minute. Xmas 2006 highlights included Jeff wearing a pink eighties prom dress to Christmas Eve dinner to make the point that nothing should be gender specific. I did not take pictures of that myself, but many were taken. The excitement of Christmas morning was neat. the kids seemed truly happy with the things we gave them. D says that her favorite gift was a fish tank and three fish. This time she is in charge of the feeding since Mom and Dad killed her last pet, a crayfish, by overfeeding it causing the tank to become putirified. E said his favorite thing was his Hot Wheels cars and track that attaches to his door and shoots the cars off a ramp through a ring of fire. From Jeff I got a new shower head, a new down pillow, a extreme heat pot holder, and a gift certificate to Zingermans - mmm. D got me a choker made of pink dolphin beads.

We made it up north on Christmas evening and the huge present deluge ensued. It took all day on the 26th to open all of the gifts with a couple of breaks in between. Too many cool things to mention. I got two GPS systems, one for the car from my brother and the other from my Dad for finding my way back to the car when I go walking in the woods. I should never be lost again! The kids had a ball with their cousins, friends and playing with all of their toys (see above pictures). Jeff and Mary went swimming on December 26th. The ice hadn't made it all the way to the end of the dock yet, but it has to be a record. We made gingerbread houses and played games and passed a lot of gas. For New Years our friends Flericaco and Josuleo and Karin came up and the serious eating fest began. Due to lack of ice and snow, fun exercise such as hockey and building igloos was replaced with distance running for the guests. I did not partake and I think that my body is still reeling from the calories consumed. As if swimming in the lake at the end of December weren't enough, Jeff decided we should go on a paddleboat ride. The boat didn't make the best icebreaker and it took Jeff four hours to chop through the ice with a mallet while sitting on the front of the boat. It's a good thing D, E and I bailed after only one hour of this nonsense. After all the work to get the boat into the open water, Jeff took Karin and E on a New Year's Ever paddleboat ride in freezing rain with no life jackets. That was dumb. I'm not so sure E viewed it as the cool adventure that his Dad did. L loved all of the attention and started grabbing toys and chewing on them this past week. She is drooling buckets. Could she be getting a tooth? E lost his first tooth but wasn't interested in a visit from the fairy and quickly lost the tooth somewhere outside in the woods.

Overall Christmas was fun, relaxing, exhausting and overwhelming all at once. I am kind of anxious to get back into the old routine again. Most of all I am happy to be able to say to D and E that their new favorite radio station "100.3 WNIC, All Christmas, All the Time" is now no longer broadcasting the same ten Christmas songs 24 hours a day. It started in OCTOBER and is sorely missed by only the 6 and 8 year olds in this family!